Monday, January 16, 2012

Nothing in this Post is Sexually Suggestive.

That's lie #1.

Last night, I forced Brian onto the bed.
I tied him up with some rope.
And I did something naughty....

I forced him to read my blog.

That's lie #2.
(I would never force anyone to read my blog.)

I will be completely honest with you: I have not blogged since last Monday because my Brazilian wax testimonial was criticized and deemed "sexually suggestive."

While my intent was never to be sexually suggestive, perhaps that criticism was actually a compliment.

A lot of my favorite things in life are sexually suggestive or contain sexually suggestive material:

My favorite song (Bob Seger "Night Moves")

My favorite movie (Caddyshack)

My favorite book (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)

And my favorite piece of artwork (see below)**

*I actually don't have a favorite piece of artwork, but if I did, this would definitely not be it. This was just the first sexually suggestive artwork that came to mind.

**Drawing of Jenna Jamison, re-drawn by Brian Strawberry.

With the exception of a few people, I have absolutely no idea who makes up my blog audience. My blog content has always been random and unpredictable.

I idolize Martha Stewart and Lisa Lampanelli. My hobbies are probably similar to those of your 80-year-old grandma, but my humor is synonymous with words that would describe your trashcan (dirty, filthy).

If you prefer my G-rated blog posts, you will be thrilled to know that everything I have in store for this week will be suitable for all audiences.

If you would like to know more about Brazilian waxing, just ask me. I'm an open book and I have no filter. I will share all the gritty details.

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous1/16/2012

    Brian drew that!?! He is so talented!

    P.S. I admire you for getting a Brazilian. I am terrified of the pain! I'm off to read THAT post ;)!

    -Cassie T

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kelly Lawrence1/16/2012

    Cassie, i deleted the Brazilian wax post :-( Sorry you won't be able to read it. And yes- Brian drew that picture! He is an artist, but he doesn't really brag about his skills, so I will brag for him. He's very good!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ann @ Running With Chopstix1/20/2012

    Aw, I'm sad you deleted the post! I've done it once and it was.. surprisingly not that bad! Except for the part that someone's looking very intently at your private bits hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kelly Lawrence1/21/2012

    Agreed! The post (now deleted) highly recommended waxing! It was surprisingly un-painful!

    ReplyDelete
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